Meat(loaf)

Going meatless was not in any of our resolutions, but I do strive to have some meatless days during the week interspersed with my exerciseless days.  (May the latter be more and the former be still even fewer).

The deer have been plentiful here, and we have have been given the bounty of the hunts from three of our hunter friends/family. My SIL brought us some ground up deer.  My husband went on a hunt of his own, down to Nahunta Pork Center in Pikesville.  It is a pork-only retail center, and it has been some years since we made a pork-run.  It is about 170 miles from our house, but we love their sausage.

Last evening, our dinner fare was a melding of the deer and pork bounty.   I made a meatloaf using the ground deer, which is very lean, and the hot pork sausage.  If you, too, are faced with more deer meat than you can manage, I would recommend a meatloaf.

There are many meatloaf recipes around.  Here's a clip from CBS that you can watch with Chris Kimball from America's Test Kitchen on CBS.  At the grocery store, you can find meatloaf mix which is beef, veal and pork. It is a tasty base for chili as well.  If you have not tried it, it can be a culinary adventure for you.  If you watch the clip, you will note the bread soaked in cream or milk as an ingredient.  This combination is a good one for hamburgers as well.  The point is to (1) add texture and (2) add juiciness.  Using deer meat elevates the need for both.  While the clip shows bacon barded over the meatloaf, I think that the bacon overpowers the meatloaf.  Rather I go for the zesty sauce applied toward the end of cooking.(1)  If you are unfamiliar with zesty sauces that you can easily make at home, master this simple art.  You can turn chicken and pork leftovers into an easy and tasty weekday meal by simply chopping up chicken or pork roast coating with your delectable sauce.

But a cook has to improvise with what is on hand--and be confident in embracing the flavors that cook and cook's family enjoy.  The main event here is ensuring that texture and taste are maximized.  More bread and cream will make up for a singular meat type, so don't despair in that regard.  Many years ago I had a recipe for meatloaf that had sausage as a component.  Sausage adds fat and flavor.  Ergo, Nahunta + deer = meatloaf made with sausage and ground deer.  I also like to soften onions and include them. I threw in some ground flax seed and quinoa--all with excellent result.

The meatloaf was divine:  excellent flavor and texture--and great leftovers. The only thing better than meatloaf is a meatloaf sandwich.


(1) Zesty Sauces:  If you have never made your own barbecue sauce it is quite simple, and it is a palette from which you can paint your sauce masterpiece. A barbecue sauce is simply a chili sauce.  The base of  a chili sauce is chili powder, ketchup, some acid, some sweetness and a mustard foil.  Here's where you can really be adventurous.  A large container of chili powder is indispensable in the kitchen.  The Bitten Word has three sauces.  Seeing the three of these together will give you an overview of the latitude that you can take.

Here are some considerations for you to experiment with to suit you and your family's tastes:

Tomato base:  ketchup, perhaps combined with tomato paste
Chili powder: Mix it up!   Dark chili powder, light chili powder, Ancho chile powder, cumin, paprika, cayenne pepper.  The Asian markets are great for chili garlic sauce which is a great flavor enhancement.
Sweeteners:  Molasses, Yoshida's gourmet sauce, maple syrup, corn syrup, brown sugar
Acid:  lemon, vinegar
Mustard:  Dijon, brown, yellow prepared, powdered
Onions and garlic, vegetables or powdered also make a great addition.

Once you make your own with staple ingredients in your kitchen you will never be satisfied with bottled again.

A New Day | A New Year

Though I've ushered in many a New Year's Eve by preparing a lovely dinner for treasured friends, not last evening.  The New Year was heralded in by my snoozing through East of Eden.  We had a simple supper of some deer tenderloin and mashed potatoes. 

Today I have a traditional Southern dinner.  The centerpiece is county ham which soaked in a hot water bath last evening. Click here to find a foolproof, purrrfect way to prepare a country ham.  Country ham requires hydration and desalination.  This method does both perfectly.  Rather than wrap the ham pot in chair cushions as I've done in the past, I merely put the pot on my woodstove.  The stove has an airspace in it, so it is never but so hot.  The indirect heat was perfect for keeping the water hot, but not too hot.  I have collards and black eyed peas.  I'll make some spoonbread. Perhaps a lemon pound cake. Dessert is a chocolate cream pie.  Maybe no dessert at all.  (Does any of us need any?)  A complete Southern welcoming in of the New Year.

I was talking to my sister earlier today.   I said that I didn't make any resolutions.  I have more than enough retreads within easy grasp.  We reeled a few off (exercise, diet...all of the things that I routinely acknowledge as important but make half-hearted efforts to adhere to).  She also mentioned, "and be a better person."  (I'm assuming that was a general comment and not specifically aimed at me.)

I've pretty much accepted that I'm not going to be any better person than I am now.  And I don't say that for any self defeatest, or worse, hubristic, reasons other than I AM ALREADY a good person.  For any of the real or imagined failings that I can conjure up for myself, not being a good person is not one of them.  Surely, I can aspire to be more patient, more organized, more work/life balanced, and all of those other things, but those don't have anything to do with being a good person.  (And yes, I will try to do all of those).

With the import of New Year's on beginning anew, we forget that each moment subsequent to this one is a time to feel renewed.  Jose Ortega y Gasset tells (in Some Lessons in Metaphysics) us that our life is what we are doing now.  It is not what we did yesterday.  It is what we are doing now, and our life in the next moment will be based on decisions that we make now about our future.  He describes life as perplexing as there is an array of decisions that we make this moment that govern our next moments. 

This simple philosophy, when embraced, is one that each of us can use as a way to free ourselves from whatever past failings that we have had AND to remind us that past successes are no less fleeting. Cleansing ourselves from our past successes may be just as important as cleansing ourselves of our past failures.  Resting our laurels ought to be as uncomfortable for us as having our feet caught in the solidification of past trauma.

The present moment, then, offers the bounty of transitioning from the old into the new.  The present moment is much like the top and bottom suspension between inhaling and exhaling.  It is a sacred space in our lives where what we chose to do next really matters.  It creates a sense of both the urgency and weight of the next consequence of our doing (inhaling/exhaling). 

At least for breathing, what we do next is generally governed by our autonomic nervous system. In our emotional life, our past patterns of behavior or reactions to certain emotional stimulation may have created a toxic autonomy that might be worth giving some attention to for evaluation and modification of our typical responses to the stimuli that makes our viscera seize up.  At least that is MY contemplative notion about things.

As I think about these things for myself on this contemplative day, I go to my standby wisdom that provides a useful framework from which to operate.  I'd like to share these with you.


Yagyu Menenori wrote the following in his The Book of Family Traditions on the Art of War (translated by Thomas Cleary):

When fighting with enemies, if you get to feeling snarled up and are making no progress, you toss your mood away and think in your heart that you are starting everything anew. As you get the rhythm, you discern how to win. This is "becoming new." (p.46)
And Miyamoto Musashi, in his The Book of Five Rings (translated by Thomas Cleary) also provides some straightforward guidance that serve any well in any circumstance:

  1. Think of what is right and true.
  2. Practice and cultivate the science.
  3. Become acquainted with the arts.
  4. Know the principles of the crafts.
  5. Understand the harm and benefit in everything.
  6. Learn to see everything accurately.
  7. Become aware of what is not obvious.
  8. Be careful even in small matters.
  9. Do not do anything useless.
I rather like this list which I've had on my "Wisdom" tab for many years.  It is always inspirational to me.  Treating each moment, not just a new day and not just the new day of the new year, as a time to begin anew is a worthwhile habit to employ.

 I will close this post with another favorite. In this time of unrest (which is all times in all histories among all peoples), I offer this gem, which I also find uplifting:


In the time of war
Raise in yourself the Mind of Compassion
Help living beings
Abandon the will to fight
Wherever there is a furious battle
Use all you might
To keep both sides' strength equal
And then step into the conflict to reconcile.

Vimalakirti Nirdesa



My best to you in the New Year. 

To practice what I preach, I'll not rest on my laurels of being a good person in my past deeds, but find contemporary deeds to reflect my intent of continuing to explore my goodness and find new ways to share it.  In the intervening time, I'll eat better, swear less, exercise more, and not do anything useless.

Voices in My Head






Everybody listen | Voices in my head...


I became an Alice in Chains fan upon hearing  "No Excuses" on the radio. It is one of my great favorites, not only from that band but any other.  Upon hearing it on the radio,  I immediately pulled over into a parking lot to listen without driving and so that I could make note of the artist. I never did that before, and I've never done it again (okay, once for a classical piece!).   I was hooked.  Still am.  People ask me what type of music I like.  I love classical music, and I love Alice in Chains.  Given my 'conservative' profession, I always get a surprised look when I mention AIC.  Not a reproachful surprise, but a "hey, that's cool" surprise.

Over the weekend while working on year end stuff, I purchased the new album (MP3), The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here, clapped on headphones (my Beats that I bought at a crazy-low price as they were refurbished.  I don't know...they came in a new box, looked new, sound great (but I'm no head phone aficionado)).  So I listened many times through the album while working on my 'stuff'.  I typically work with quiet, as my work requires extreme concentration (or at least I need concentration to work--so perhaps it is just my odd proclivity).  

This was a new work mode for me, and I found that I could concentrate quite well (at least on most tasks, and where not, threw the headphones off), and that moving through the work was quite pleasurable.

I'm not much of a follower of any, and this band was no exception to that.  While I enjoyed the band's music, I was pretty much oblivious to any of the personal backdrop except to how it was expressed in their music.  I'm pretty sure that when Layne Staley died in 2002, it didn't register with me. BWMS (Busy working mom syndrome).

Taking a break from work, I did some internet research to fill in the blanks. In reading the various articles, I was struck by the deep humanity of these guys:  expressed in their commitment to each other through things most of us could never imagine; and the authenticity of their music, which didn't die with Staley.

And the voices in their collective heads are rooted in some very private and painful places.  Hard experience expressed through brutal honesty is the signature key of their music. The music resonates because hard experience is something that many of us share.  While the nature of the experience may be different, the vibrations of that experience in our being strike a similar chord.

Their music, to my ear, is a surprising mix of  heavy and light, consonant and dissonant, a surprising key, or an unexpected change in tempo.  They make their music; not that of another.  And they continue to do that amidst the swirl of unabated carping from so many (still after so many years) that the band is not the same since Layne is gone.  They seem to address these endless questions with a quiet dignity and accord a respect to those who feel that way that is nothing short of magnanimous. 


The bumps and struggles of life demand that we pass through transitions preserving the core of who we are.  I found the story of Alice In Chains' as the band, and as individual members of that band, to be a powerful metaphor of transitioning from old circumstances to new circumstances, and doing it with authenticity, courage and grace. And that ultimately, to be saved from ourselves by those around us who love and care for us,  demands that we cooperate and participate. Otherwise, there is no saving to be had; just enduring life until it is extinguished by whatever means.
  
I applaud their honoring the old, embracing the new and their sharing the voices in their heads with us.   If you've never seen their MTV Unplugged show, it is worth your time.  You can find it here. And if you like the music (theirs or another's), buy some and support your favorite artists.


Merry Christmas!

Here is the result of my seemingly good idea of cooking my standing rib roasts on my grill. 

I didn't think that there was any danger of fire as I had firebrick on top the grates.

I put $140 of meat on the grill and changed my clothes.  Thank goodness I didn't dawdle.  Coming downstairs and looking out the door I could see flames rolling out the back.  Calls for help from the men folk went unanswered.  I checked the garage.  Nothing.  Called out the front door.  Nothing.   I think that they migrated from one space to the other--each time out of earshot.

I turned off the gas, rolled the grill away from the house.  Looked frantically for my kosher salt.  Didn't find it.  Did find about 2.5 lbs left of my 5 lb baking soda bag in the laundry room.  After grabbing a mitt and flinging the grill top up to have flames charge out, I flung scoops of baking soda over my charring roasts. The fire quickly abated.

The meat was in minutes of being ruined. Dust off baking soda.  Into the oven.  But I was definitely shaken.  Our 6 p.m. dinner was about an 1.5 hours later.  We had wine, beer, appetizers and good company.  Plus it gave my daughter more time to spend at her in-laws. I watched degree by degree from 50 to 125 for the roast  Dinner was later than planned, but delicious.

I have a fire extinguisher, but I didn't get my hands on it.  I need to recharge my baking soda supply.  It dispatches a fire quickly. 

That's my Christmas safety message:  Have a 5lb bag of baking soda handy at all times.  Good for a chimney fire too.

Had I not had that soda, I'm not really sure what would have happened.  Nothing good--at least for the meat.  House was safe.  Had the meat burned up, we would have still been fine.  It would have been installment 2 of failed main meat dishes--the first being when I stuffed my refrigerator too full and temp did not maintain during a Thanksgiving foraging mission.  When I opened the fresh turkey, it smelled like it had been baking on a pavement for several days.

There was ham at least, not from Mark's lack of effort to finding a fresh bird on T-G day.  None to be had.  I have a bit more perspective than he does at time.  One side-dish (among our many) is more than many have to share for a dinner.  I try not not to lose sight of our many blessings.

Tis the season to be mindful of ours and share generously with others.




A Clichéd LIfe


Tick Tock time for Christmas!

For some.

Not us.

I do have a Christmas Eve dinner to prepare.  My first.  Thanksgiving has been my purview, my get out of jail free card for all-things Christmas.  I was a guest, unfettered by the responsibilities of doing anything but showing up on time with a smile on my face and an empty belly ready to be filled.

My mother, long passed some 24 years now, always had Christmas Eve dinner and all of the other festive dinners until (1)  I co-opted T-G to allow both she and my MIL to enjoy being a guest at the table rather than slaving away to fill the table and (2) she died.  My father re-married, and my wonderful stepmom has a strong, German, Christmas Eve tradition of cooking a wonderful dinner.  With knee-surgery just a few weeks ago, this was not a possibility for her this year.

Rather than forgo Christmas Eve dinner for myself and deprive my beloved stepmom of this important meal, I gladly raised my hand.  I had thought for a moment that I would offer to cook at her home (the home that I grew up in); but that thought was fleeting.  So there will be ten of us on Christmas Eve. Sans, my M/FIL who feel that they are at a point in their lives where attending such events is more than they can handle.  These are choices to be respected, and choices that will be ours in the years ahead should we live so long.

I'm in unfamiliar territory here, not tethered by any traditional dishes that I would typically make.  With my proclivities for imagining all of the possibilities, it is harder for me to narrow down the choices than cooked the damn meal. 

At tick-tock, t-minus 3 days, its time to shop for food and not stroll through recipes. 

Spinach stuffed tenderloin.  Pear, walnut salad with bleu cheese and some sort of raspberry vinaigrette or maybe that lovely pan seared scallops with pear vinaigrette?...geez.  Scalloped potatoes--the wonderful kind sliced paper thin, simmered in cream infused with garlic and rosemary and then placed in a casserole dish.

Dessert must be chocolate.  I think the maple pecan chocolate tart.  Slightly warm with ice cream or maybe a 4 layer chocolate cake with milk chocolate, frosting.  I'm still considering possibilities.  I rely on my 'gut' to tell me when I finally have it right. 

Gifts?

None.  Well, there was an indulgence:  What better Christmas gift than to have Mexican lunch and then go to Marshall's and shop for a 3rd grader who needed socks and underwear and maybe some Leggos.  Yet another indulgence....give a shelter pet the gift of food, toys, medicine.  I try to help others all year long.  Life is burdensome for many. If I can carry help ease the weight of life from the shoulder's of another who is struggling, that is my gift to me.

I'm working on doing good work without the satisfaction sidecar.  I understand that receiving satisfaction for doing good works isn't selfless. Writing about it worse, as I've done here.  But writing about it gives me no satisfaction.  I don't care that you know what I've done; I care that you think about how you might do. I'm at the point in my life that to ask for any gifts is an abomination.  How can I ask for something when basic things go wanting for so many?

My daughter (teacher, tough socio-economic student profile) says her kids get crazy  toward the end of the month.  That is when the money runs out and food gets scarce in the households for the children that she serves.  What a stupid luxury I have to worry about my menu.  For those that feel that they need to offer their social commentary, I say resoundingly, "Stuff it!".  A child's belly or general safety should never be the consequence of the familial choices. How easy it is to wash our collective hands of these fates on account of the thing that sets us apart from most other life forms:  our uncanny ability to rationalize our response to any situation in a way that confirms the righteousness of our reasoning.

Too often we understand the words, but mistake the true meaning.  Deeds, not words/thoughts, define us. What we 'believe' matters not a wit. What we 'do' is everything--"Actions speak louder than words" are five words that should define our daily assessment of the efficaciousness of our daily choices.  It's far easier to write and talk about what we 'should' do; harder still to 'practice what we preach'.  If we were to live a life of  clichés, these two would be two worth adopting. I strive to live a life centered on these two clichés.

But I cook and have people at my table to forge the bonds of our family that will help our facing the challenges that we will face.  Elderly parents who are facing health struggles.  Young people, finding their way in this world.  The hearth and table are primal.  Shelter, warmth and food.  That's the three legged stool of our survival in the winter. The cook, the original necromancer making nourishment from whatever was available, providing the lubrication of life:  food.

If we are to understand anything from this holiday is that the three legged stool is made more stable with hope.  Each of us can embody the hope that another prays for.  That is the example of Jesus.

And while Christmas is a religious holiday for many.  It is not for me.  It is, though a reminder, of the example of Christ.  I don't need to believe this or that about Jesus.  Whether he was the son of God or not matters not a whit to me.  That he provides for me an example of how I might live my life everyday is power enough.  For any who think that I should 'believe' a certain way I reserve my very best Bill-the-cat retort.  (You may choose Aack! or PFFFFFT!). 

I choose to live the clichéd life with Bill the Cat who unabashedly reminds us that the weight of societal judgment gets in the way of good works.  

It is the small things

Thanksgiving morning brought tragic news:  the 18 year old son of a friend was killed the previous evening in a car accident.  Hearing such news envelopes one in a grief that emanates from the deepest recesses of our being. It releases a sob that every parent has within him or her for their children should something befall them.  It is the sob that we have within us for our friends who must bear the burden of grieving for a child lost too soon.

 Meal preparation was with a heavy heart, and the reflection of the close calls that my two young drivers encountered.  I remember being an 18 year old driver -- there is a large divergence between our actual skill and our perception of our skills as a driver at that age.  For many of us we were just plain lucky that the consequence of our actions (too fast, too drunk, too tired, too stupid) did not yield a tragic outcome.

 I don't say that someone was watching out for me, because that then requires the judgment that someone was asleep at the wheel when watching out for another.  Rather, I prefer to think about it in terms of chance.  The odds aren't with us when we are operating under our "too ___" action.  And actions have consequences--sometimes.  When those actions don't have consequences we are lucky.  When those actions invoke consequences, we are not so lucky.

My B/SIL were guests and our friend was mutual.  As we gathered around our table, we were all reminded of the importance of the simple things -- time together, sharing memories, kind words, good food -- and the capriciousness of luck.

Such tragedies also engender action. Had this young man fastened his seat belt, he may have survived.  His mother's grief is channeled into getting the message out of "buckling up".  The young man was also an organ donor.  This great tragedy will help others through his gift of life through the loss of his own.








Thanksgiving Eve

Here we are at my favorite holiday:  Thanksgiving.  What more noble quality is there than being thankful for even the smallest blessings in our lives.  I have many things to be thankful for, and will not bore you with those.  But it is a good lesson in introspection to think of these things at this time.

Last year my daughter had Thanksgiving at her home.  We had a lovely time, but she has a smaller home and table, and there are some real constraints.  This year, we have more to the table, so Thanksgiving is back at my house.  It will be nine of us, and I like sitting at the table, not balancing food on plates and knees and having drink place 'somewhere'.

I don't do tablescapes or any other such decorating.  Rather, I put my effort into the food.  I try to offer something new each year, either a side dish or dessert.  No new side dishes; however, I am making a pumpkin cheesecake from the Bittersweet Bistro.  I've not made it before, but I have made the roasted pear, pomegranate salad and it is a spectacular--trust me on this. 

The recipe calls for chocolate wafers.  I surely have never found any, but I did find some brownie bites at BJ's and that is what I will use.  Here is our menu.  I post these as this blog is my memory, but it might inspire others.

Turkey
Smoked Ham
Brussels Sprouts Hash with caramelized shallots
Spiced Cranberry Sauce
Potato and Turnip Gratin

Spicy Pecan Pear Muffins
Sausage and Cornbread Dressing
Pumpkin Cheesecake (link above) (with a salted caramel sauce)
Maple Pecan Chocolate Tart

 I've posted a link to the Maple Pecan Chocolate Tart.  It is fabulous, and I've been making it for many years.  I'm pretty sure that the recipe came from Bon Appetit, but it is nowhere to be found on Epicurious. 

If you are traveling get there safely.  If you are cooking...godspeed and mind your fingers.