Voices in My Head






Everybody listen | Voices in my head...


I became an Alice in Chains fan upon hearing  "No Excuses" on the radio. It is one of my great favorites, not only from that band but any other.  Upon hearing it on the radio,  I immediately pulled over into a parking lot to listen without driving and so that I could make note of the artist. I never did that before, and I've never done it again (okay, once for a classical piece!).   I was hooked.  Still am.  People ask me what type of music I like.  I love classical music, and I love Alice in Chains.  Given my 'conservative' profession, I always get a surprised look when I mention AIC.  Not a reproachful surprise, but a "hey, that's cool" surprise.

Over the weekend while working on year end stuff, I purchased the new album (MP3), The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here, clapped on headphones (my Beats that I bought at a crazy-low price as they were refurbished.  I don't know...they came in a new box, looked new, sound great (but I'm no head phone aficionado)).  So I listened many times through the album while working on my 'stuff'.  I typically work with quiet, as my work requires extreme concentration (or at least I need concentration to work--so perhaps it is just my odd proclivity).  

This was a new work mode for me, and I found that I could concentrate quite well (at least on most tasks, and where not, threw the headphones off), and that moving through the work was quite pleasurable.

I'm not much of a follower of any, and this band was no exception to that.  While I enjoyed the band's music, I was pretty much oblivious to any of the personal backdrop except to how it was expressed in their music.  I'm pretty sure that when Layne Staley died in 2002, it didn't register with me. BWMS (Busy working mom syndrome).

Taking a break from work, I did some internet research to fill in the blanks. In reading the various articles, I was struck by the deep humanity of these guys:  expressed in their commitment to each other through things most of us could never imagine; and the authenticity of their music, which didn't die with Staley.

And the voices in their collective heads are rooted in some very private and painful places.  Hard experience expressed through brutal honesty is the signature key of their music. The music resonates because hard experience is something that many of us share.  While the nature of the experience may be different, the vibrations of that experience in our being strike a similar chord.

Their music, to my ear, is a surprising mix of  heavy and light, consonant and dissonant, a surprising key, or an unexpected change in tempo.  They make their music; not that of another.  And they continue to do that amidst the swirl of unabated carping from so many (still after so many years) that the band is not the same since Layne is gone.  They seem to address these endless questions with a quiet dignity and accord a respect to those who feel that way that is nothing short of magnanimous. 


The bumps and struggles of life demand that we pass through transitions preserving the core of who we are.  I found the story of Alice In Chains' as the band, and as individual members of that band, to be a powerful metaphor of transitioning from old circumstances to new circumstances, and doing it with authenticity, courage and grace. And that ultimately, to be saved from ourselves by those around us who love and care for us,  demands that we cooperate and participate. Otherwise, there is no saving to be had; just enduring life until it is extinguished by whatever means.
  
I applaud their honoring the old, embracing the new and their sharing the voices in their heads with us.   If you've never seen their MTV Unplugged show, it is worth your time.  You can find it here. And if you like the music (theirs or another's), buy some and support your favorite artists.


Merry Christmas!

Here is the result of my seemingly good idea of cooking my standing rib roasts on my grill. 

I didn't think that there was any danger of fire as I had firebrick on top the grates.

I put $140 of meat on the grill and changed my clothes.  Thank goodness I didn't dawdle.  Coming downstairs and looking out the door I could see flames rolling out the back.  Calls for help from the men folk went unanswered.  I checked the garage.  Nothing.  Called out the front door.  Nothing.   I think that they migrated from one space to the other--each time out of earshot.

I turned off the gas, rolled the grill away from the house.  Looked frantically for my kosher salt.  Didn't find it.  Did find about 2.5 lbs left of my 5 lb baking soda bag in the laundry room.  After grabbing a mitt and flinging the grill top up to have flames charge out, I flung scoops of baking soda over my charring roasts. The fire quickly abated.

The meat was in minutes of being ruined. Dust off baking soda.  Into the oven.  But I was definitely shaken.  Our 6 p.m. dinner was about an 1.5 hours later.  We had wine, beer, appetizers and good company.  Plus it gave my daughter more time to spend at her in-laws. I watched degree by degree from 50 to 125 for the roast  Dinner was later than planned, but delicious.

I have a fire extinguisher, but I didn't get my hands on it.  I need to recharge my baking soda supply.  It dispatches a fire quickly. 

That's my Christmas safety message:  Have a 5lb bag of baking soda handy at all times.  Good for a chimney fire too.

Had I not had that soda, I'm not really sure what would have happened.  Nothing good--at least for the meat.  House was safe.  Had the meat burned up, we would have still been fine.  It would have been installment 2 of failed main meat dishes--the first being when I stuffed my refrigerator too full and temp did not maintain during a Thanksgiving foraging mission.  When I opened the fresh turkey, it smelled like it had been baking on a pavement for several days.

There was ham at least, not from Mark's lack of effort to finding a fresh bird on T-G day.  None to be had.  I have a bit more perspective than he does at time.  One side-dish (among our many) is more than many have to share for a dinner.  I try not not to lose sight of our many blessings.

Tis the season to be mindful of ours and share generously with others.




A Clichéd LIfe


Tick Tock time for Christmas!

For some.

Not us.

I do have a Christmas Eve dinner to prepare.  My first.  Thanksgiving has been my purview, my get out of jail free card for all-things Christmas.  I was a guest, unfettered by the responsibilities of doing anything but showing up on time with a smile on my face and an empty belly ready to be filled.

My mother, long passed some 24 years now, always had Christmas Eve dinner and all of the other festive dinners until (1)  I co-opted T-G to allow both she and my MIL to enjoy being a guest at the table rather than slaving away to fill the table and (2) she died.  My father re-married, and my wonderful stepmom has a strong, German, Christmas Eve tradition of cooking a wonderful dinner.  With knee-surgery just a few weeks ago, this was not a possibility for her this year.

Rather than forgo Christmas Eve dinner for myself and deprive my beloved stepmom of this important meal, I gladly raised my hand.  I had thought for a moment that I would offer to cook at her home (the home that I grew up in); but that thought was fleeting.  So there will be ten of us on Christmas Eve. Sans, my M/FIL who feel that they are at a point in their lives where attending such events is more than they can handle.  These are choices to be respected, and choices that will be ours in the years ahead should we live so long.

I'm in unfamiliar territory here, not tethered by any traditional dishes that I would typically make.  With my proclivities for imagining all of the possibilities, it is harder for me to narrow down the choices than cooked the damn meal. 

At tick-tock, t-minus 3 days, its time to shop for food and not stroll through recipes. 

Spinach stuffed tenderloin.  Pear, walnut salad with bleu cheese and some sort of raspberry vinaigrette or maybe that lovely pan seared scallops with pear vinaigrette?...geez.  Scalloped potatoes--the wonderful kind sliced paper thin, simmered in cream infused with garlic and rosemary and then placed in a casserole dish.

Dessert must be chocolate.  I think the maple pecan chocolate tart.  Slightly warm with ice cream or maybe a 4 layer chocolate cake with milk chocolate, frosting.  I'm still considering possibilities.  I rely on my 'gut' to tell me when I finally have it right. 

Gifts?

None.  Well, there was an indulgence:  What better Christmas gift than to have Mexican lunch and then go to Marshall's and shop for a 3rd grader who needed socks and underwear and maybe some Leggos.  Yet another indulgence....give a shelter pet the gift of food, toys, medicine.  I try to help others all year long.  Life is burdensome for many. If I can carry help ease the weight of life from the shoulder's of another who is struggling, that is my gift to me.

I'm working on doing good work without the satisfaction sidecar.  I understand that receiving satisfaction for doing good works isn't selfless. Writing about it worse, as I've done here.  But writing about it gives me no satisfaction.  I don't care that you know what I've done; I care that you think about how you might do. I'm at the point in my life that to ask for any gifts is an abomination.  How can I ask for something when basic things go wanting for so many?

My daughter (teacher, tough socio-economic student profile) says her kids get crazy  toward the end of the month.  That is when the money runs out and food gets scarce in the households for the children that she serves.  What a stupid luxury I have to worry about my menu.  For those that feel that they need to offer their social commentary, I say resoundingly, "Stuff it!".  A child's belly or general safety should never be the consequence of the familial choices. How easy it is to wash our collective hands of these fates on account of the thing that sets us apart from most other life forms:  our uncanny ability to rationalize our response to any situation in a way that confirms the righteousness of our reasoning.

Too often we understand the words, but mistake the true meaning.  Deeds, not words/thoughts, define us. What we 'believe' matters not a wit. What we 'do' is everything--"Actions speak louder than words" are five words that should define our daily assessment of the efficaciousness of our daily choices.  It's far easier to write and talk about what we 'should' do; harder still to 'practice what we preach'.  If we were to live a life of  clichés, these two would be two worth adopting. I strive to live a life centered on these two clichés.

But I cook and have people at my table to forge the bonds of our family that will help our facing the challenges that we will face.  Elderly parents who are facing health struggles.  Young people, finding their way in this world.  The hearth and table are primal.  Shelter, warmth and food.  That's the three legged stool of our survival in the winter. The cook, the original necromancer making nourishment from whatever was available, providing the lubrication of life:  food.

If we are to understand anything from this holiday is that the three legged stool is made more stable with hope.  Each of us can embody the hope that another prays for.  That is the example of Jesus.

And while Christmas is a religious holiday for many.  It is not for me.  It is, though a reminder, of the example of Christ.  I don't need to believe this or that about Jesus.  Whether he was the son of God or not matters not a whit to me.  That he provides for me an example of how I might live my life everyday is power enough.  For any who think that I should 'believe' a certain way I reserve my very best Bill-the-cat retort.  (You may choose Aack! or PFFFFFT!). 

I choose to live the clichéd life with Bill the Cat who unabashedly reminds us that the weight of societal judgment gets in the way of good works.  

It is the small things

Thanksgiving morning brought tragic news:  the 18 year old son of a friend was killed the previous evening in a car accident.  Hearing such news envelopes one in a grief that emanates from the deepest recesses of our being. It releases a sob that every parent has within him or her for their children should something befall them.  It is the sob that we have within us for our friends who must bear the burden of grieving for a child lost too soon.

 Meal preparation was with a heavy heart, and the reflection of the close calls that my two young drivers encountered.  I remember being an 18 year old driver -- there is a large divergence between our actual skill and our perception of our skills as a driver at that age.  For many of us we were just plain lucky that the consequence of our actions (too fast, too drunk, too tired, too stupid) did not yield a tragic outcome.

 I don't say that someone was watching out for me, because that then requires the judgment that someone was asleep at the wheel when watching out for another.  Rather, I prefer to think about it in terms of chance.  The odds aren't with us when we are operating under our "too ___" action.  And actions have consequences--sometimes.  When those actions don't have consequences we are lucky.  When those actions invoke consequences, we are not so lucky.

My B/SIL were guests and our friend was mutual.  As we gathered around our table, we were all reminded of the importance of the simple things -- time together, sharing memories, kind words, good food -- and the capriciousness of luck.

Such tragedies also engender action. Had this young man fastened his seat belt, he may have survived.  His mother's grief is channeled into getting the message out of "buckling up".  The young man was also an organ donor.  This great tragedy will help others through his gift of life through the loss of his own.








Thanksgiving Eve

Here we are at my favorite holiday:  Thanksgiving.  What more noble quality is there than being thankful for even the smallest blessings in our lives.  I have many things to be thankful for, and will not bore you with those.  But it is a good lesson in introspection to think of these things at this time.

Last year my daughter had Thanksgiving at her home.  We had a lovely time, but she has a smaller home and table, and there are some real constraints.  This year, we have more to the table, so Thanksgiving is back at my house.  It will be nine of us, and I like sitting at the table, not balancing food on plates and knees and having drink place 'somewhere'.

I don't do tablescapes or any other such decorating.  Rather, I put my effort into the food.  I try to offer something new each year, either a side dish or dessert.  No new side dishes; however, I am making a pumpkin cheesecake from the Bittersweet Bistro.  I've not made it before, but I have made the roasted pear, pomegranate salad and it is a spectacular--trust me on this. 

The recipe calls for chocolate wafers.  I surely have never found any, but I did find some brownie bites at BJ's and that is what I will use.  Here is our menu.  I post these as this blog is my memory, but it might inspire others.

Turkey
Smoked Ham
Brussels Sprouts Hash with caramelized shallots
Spiced Cranberry Sauce
Potato and Turnip Gratin

Spicy Pecan Pear Muffins
Sausage and Cornbread Dressing
Pumpkin Cheesecake (link above) (with a salted caramel sauce)
Maple Pecan Chocolate Tart

 I've posted a link to the Maple Pecan Chocolate Tart.  It is fabulous, and I've been making it for many years.  I'm pretty sure that the recipe came from Bon Appetit, but it is nowhere to be found on Epicurious. 

If you are traveling get there safely.  If you are cooking...godspeed and mind your fingers.


Kudos to my friend Bill

Our gang of three met for lunch at Lunch...a fabulous spot on Summit Avenue in Richmond Va.  Their fare is fantastic.  My friend, Bill, shared that he was running the Richmond Marathon.  My other friend, Lynne, has also run marathons.  I, alone, had no accomplishment of a marathon (or anything close) nor aspiration in any of the marathon genre (thinking, training, doing).  Rather, I'm perfectly happy to simply admire those who do such feats.

Bill finished the marathon, and that was his goal.  I'm proud of him.  Today, I took a spin down the road with my three girls in tow.  We went 25.5 miles less than Bill, but just getting out was an accomplishment.  Since my last run, I managed to hurt my back dragging a chair from my parents' basement upstairs.  It was not one of my more inspired ideas.  I did get the chair up the steps with the added benefit of hurting my back--or at least woke up a 11'ish year old sprained back injury.  I've been keeping ice on it, and that has helped. 

My little jaunt did not aggravate my back, and I'm happy to keep it slow and work into steady.  I've got good shoes, good feedback equipment, and the most willing and excitable partners.  Would that I could be so enthusiastic!









Truth in Exercise

If Jose Ortega y Gasset is correct, and "truth is what quiets the anxieties of the mind", then surely exercise will need to be my current truth.

I looked for my old sweat365 space, but found only a bloated and hard to load website.  Oh well.  I'm feeling a bit that way myself!  When I upgraded my smartphone to an HTC One, I was also interested in upgrading my Polar heart rate monitor.  I stumbled upon the new Bluetooth heart rate monitors that essentially transform your phone into a fitness buddy.  Seems that there are all manner of devices one can deploy to check out his/her biometrics.

Perhaps I have OCD tendencies, but I have to have structure and feedback in an exercise routine--or perhaps that is just a barrier that I throw up to avoid exercise. Would that I would just go and do it.  Truly that is all that needs to be done...run, walk, lift, stretch etc...just do it.   Well, I have to 'do it' with a measurement structure.  And I want to do it with heart rate monitoring, as that structure keeps me from overdoing it.  The simple truth of the matter is that I really don't enjoy exercising. 

My anxiety, then, is that after purchasing the goods, downloading the Runtastic application, I still have not developed a habit.  Anxiety has built to a point where there needs to be a confrontation with (not search for) truth.  That truth is this:  (1) early a.m. is the only time that I've been able to exercise as (a) I have control over my time, (b) it makes me feel good throughout the day; and (c) I like to be up before most people (though lately not so much) to see the sun rise and hear the birds.

I'm on day two.  I'm taking it slowly, though I ended up going alot further today without getting measurement as my phone fell out of my jacket, probably when I bent over to ensure that my running partner, Ella, did not get into the road when cars came by.  She is a happy companion who listens, so it is a joy to take her.  I cannot take my other two dogs comfortably.  That I could journey with just Ella will ensure that I have a greater chance of success.  Taking 3 dogs on leads is NOT enjoyable.


What I like about the program is that it gives me a great report without having to go through any difficult downloads.  My phone gives me a great report, and it uploads automatically to Runtastic.  I can easily see my time in zones and all sorts of neat stuff that will help me stay interested.  I have to intellectually connect with what my body is doing, as my world revolves around my head.  (Which is not particularly a balanced way to go about things).

So this log is inaccurate given my separation from phone in terms of distance traveled and time. After backtracking (with no glasses), I failed to find my phone.  I went back home, grabbed my husband's cell phone and the Thunderbird (I couldn't make the route a 3rd time!).  Every 100 yards I stopped, turned the car off, and called my phone.  After 7 calls, I found my phone. 

I'm looking forward to feeling more energized and keeping my body strong and working.

The Metaphysics of Knife Sharpening

(Posted after written over the past weekend)

I'm holed up in Bedford, with the great company of three loving dogs, a spotty internet connection and beautiful fall weather and four books--only one of which was for a guilty indulgence.  Though it had many fantastically lauded reviews, I couldn't get beyond the first couple of pages.

On to another book, Jose Ortega y Gasset's "Some Lessons in Metaphysics" opened conjointly with Sri Vivekananda's works.  Oddly enough, I read two passages in the space of less than 15 minutes first in one book, then the other that were so similar (existence v. perception or "being v. knowing"), that I had to but marvel at the coincidence of that proximity v. the disparate cultural and time distance of the two authors.

If we are to think of anything about ourselves that is unique, nothing is more accurate than our own weaving of the threads of our experience, and our thinking about any one or multitude of things.  None can have our identical experience.  I'm pretty sure that the experience of my observing a tree is not the same experience as Van Gogh's observation of a tree.  Would that I have such a perspicacity to observe a tree in like manner as Van Gogh, or view a bird in flight as DaVinci would.

Nevertheless, I recognize that my own observations are uniquely my own.  When I read JOyG, or Sri Vivekananda, so much of what each writes is so resonant and clear -- something that I had always 'known' but was unable to articulate. JOyG writes,

 "Truth, for the moment, is what quiets an anxiety in our intelligence". 


When I read both S. V. and JOyG, my intelligence is quieted. In this world of distraction, to focus one's attention on the smallest thing is a great discipline.  And to use one's hands and focus to transform something(s) into another thing, is the essence of being an artisan.  Are not the very creation mythologies of various cultures centered on this penultimate, yet essential, idea of creation?Accordingly, the simplest things such as growing plants, crocheting an item, making pottery, cooking, forging a tool from metal or sharpening stones into an implement are all necessary and good things.  In 'knowledge based society' we get so wrapped up in our intellects and forget that it is indeed the simplest things that ensure our survival.

Ruby
I think that there is no more sacred a word than "create".  However the universe and ourselves came to be, we emanate from some creative force.  This space is not a theological space, and I don't debate religion with any.  Suffice to say, though, I believe that there is a strong creative force from which no thing escapes.  We'll spend the entire existence of (wo)mankind (however long or short that is) arguing about the who, what, when and how that all came to be.  For my own part, I do not care.  I'm here.  I exist.  The creative force is deep within every living organism:  plants, mammals, bacteria, insects, fish and any other thing that I've left out.  Even the interaction of 'inert' items are subject to physics.

We create first out of necessity: ultimately we must have shelter, food, protection -- and fairly reliable ways to reproduce those things on a daily basis should we expect to exist even if it is subsistence. I'm fortunate to not be subsisting.  Accordingly, I have the luxury of having a computer and the necessary accoutrements to speak about these things in this space.  Nevertheless, I never stray very far from subsistence, which brings me back to the point of the post.

Today, my hands are sore and my fingertips relieved of some dermis cells, as I retreated from the distractions of the world and focused rather singularly on the task at hand:  transforming the blade of several knives back to serviceability.

While not so dramatic as the creation of the metal from the contributing organics + heat + formation, the process of transforming a tool to its former glory, is at least within my skill (though still nascent).  It is impossible to 'know' how to do a thing until one does it.  Part of the learning process as we create a competency in a learned skill is the creation of true understanding.  We can research all of the espoused methods of how to cook a turkey, sharpen a knife, hammer a nail...until we get a dry bird, an uneven edge or a bruised thumb a time or two, we really have not exchanged knowledge of  the essential mechanics of how to do something to true understanding of having done it.  It's a useful thing to remember.  Nevertheless, we should understand the method of a thing that we are setting about to do before undertaking it.

So what is metaphysical about cooking a turkey, sharpening a knife or hammering a nail?  It is our interface with the physics of the task at hand and the solidifying of the process of moving from knowledge of a thing to understanding of a thing through our experience with it that makes it metaphysical--the movement from existence/observation to understanding/perception.  (At least that is the leap that I made!)

As we come to any task at hand, our experience with it is unlike any others; our understanding of it will be unlike any others.  On the most elemental level the experience is the same -- I see the same tree as Van Gogh, but my relationship with that experience is unique.  For it is not only our observation of something, but our interpretation (assimilation and communication) of that experience to others that gives that 'something' a reality in our specific purview.  Trees that I do not see are not in my reality.  Things exist for us so long as we give them our attention.  If you are in isolation, the stock market, starving children, genocide, or a plague have little reality for you. What we chose to see, then, has much to do with our reality.


Bottom Perspective of a Bird House
Perhaps no truth can be more universal than the simple one that my truth is uniquely my own. Your truth is uniquely yours.   My intelligence is different than that of others--better or worse, it makes no difference--and my intelligence will have different anxieties.  So the truths that quiet the anxieties of my intelligence, are likely quite different than that of any other.   Accordingly, my realization over my contemplative days in Bedford with my books (SV/JOyG), laptop, spotty internet connection, camera and three dogs was this very distinction.

When I read or write and feel that I have a clear view of the truth, it is only my truth.  That others may find that equally soothing, means that though unique, we share particular organic similarities--I'm pretty sure that my intelligence and the relating anxieties are substantively similar to many others, though not identical.

Shelley
There is no greater hubris, then, for one to say that his/her truth should be your truth.  Ultimately, truth is how each of us (1) defines his/her relationship to life and (2) resolves his/her anxieties. That's not to say that personal truths are healthful.  I'm not saying that in the least.  Each of us is plagued with biases that blind/distort truth.  It is, though, our truth.

If we are to have any hope of grappling with truths that are worthy of pursuing, we should look first to the proclivities of the "anxieties of our intelligence."  It is the quality of those anxieties that matter in how we focus our energies and what truth we find (or manufacture).
Savannah

For the moment, I will reflect more on those anxieties, and may have more to say about it.  The passage from JOyG was very intriguing to me.  I hope that for any reader it inspires some contemplative fodder.  The quieting that I experienced was rhythmically sharping steels against stone, feeling the grass under my feet, taking pics of my sister's dogs and other things -- seeing, feeling, and doing out of my normal element, and thinking about 'stuff' in a different way through JOyG and SV's inspiration.















Knife Rescue

My sister and husbando are traveling to Massachusetts.  I'm dog and house sitter over the next few days.  I traveled here to Bedford, VA yesterday.  The weather is clear and crisp.  I'm in the company of three dogs:  Ruby, Shelley and Savannah.  I'll post some pics later.

Ruby and Savannah are happy, sweet girls, eager to love and be loved.  Shelley is a sweet girl, but very distrusting.  My last visit year or so ago, she didn't even let me touch her.  Her shyness caused some concern for my BIL and sister.  Thankfully, she took some treats from me yesterday.  While she is not seeking my company on her own, she is an eager seeker when I have dog treat in hand.  I didn't manage that before.

I am in the upstairs of the house, where they are not allowed.  The living room is sunny and cheerful.  Plus, it is the only place that I can get an internet connection.  She just came up the steps...that is a good sign. 

I'm considering this time away as contemplative time.  I brought my sharpening stones.  Today I had knife therapy.  I gave my sister a Ken Onion Shun chef's knife some time ago. When she was visiting last, she said that it was in bad shape.  I told her that I would bring my stones, and sharpen her knives when I visited.

So here I am.   I almost cried when I saw the blade. After more than an hour on the stones, the knife is sharp and serviceable.  I had to start with the extra course DMT stones, and worked my way through coarse, fine, extra fine and the 6k and 10k whetstones.    She will enjoy using this knife now.  Though I'm still a novice and hand knife sharpening, there was nothing that I could do to the blade that could harm it beyond its current condition.  So I was fearless in my sharpening.  My fingertips and hands are sore. 

It is satisfying. 

Cicada



Note:  Post in edit that never made it to a post.....

The orientation is 90 degrees left, as this cicada was resting after emerging from its shell.  Ella spotted it.  I snapped this pic.

I've never seen a cicada emerge like this--so it was quite an interesting thing to at least glimpse it as it rested.  I didn't see it emerge.

Nature can be both wonderful and terrifying -- much like life.  

Greeting CardI've been so busy with work that I've not made time to write or read much.  Or even take many pictures of anything.  The summer is waning, and the change of the season is in the air.  The summer/fall crossing seems to happen so quickly with July's step into to August's calendar month.  Winter to spring seems so much more gradual.

August is a month for birthdays, including my own.  My SIL gave me a great card, pictured to the left.  It said on the inside, "It's your birthday. Please drink responsibility."  It is still on my desk and still making me laugh.  My daughter and her husband had us over for a birthday dinner.  She made a scrumptious lasagna.

My sister sent flowers, and then came to town.  They still look good! We had lunch a couple of times and went to the CHKD Thrifstore--a place where she finds many great things, and this trip was no different.



Body Building and Repair

Much is happening in Leisa land.  I started with a new client at the beginning of June in a new industry for me.  I am by all means an old dog, but this old dog's tricks are new tricks for my client.  Nothing is more satisfying to me than leveraging my experience and providing my client with essential tools to manage their business effectively. 

The essential building blocks of good business/management/financial practices do not differ from industry to industry.  These building blocks are the bones, and the industry specific 'stuff' is muscle, tendons, and skin.  That connective tissue provides the industry overlay that creates a unique environment that bones work within.  Without good bones, you have but a puddle of connective tissue that doesn't travel far or well. 

I work mainly with small and middle market business--generally they are a victim of their own success.  They have toddler bones, when they need teenager or adult bones.  Not only do their bones have to be strong, but connective tissue needs to be strong and well-trained, too.  Otherwise, the good bones do not operate smoothly or do not travel far or well.  I'm a fiscal fitness instructor.


If you are wondering about the body-centricity of my metaphor, it is likely due to the fact that tomorrow my husbando has rotator cuff surgery.  He had a spill in his last West Virginia ride that resulted in a tear.  And in doing the MRI, they also noted an old injury (and one that he has felt for a while).  Tomorrow, then, he goes under the knife. 

We women-folk compare child birth experiences, and it appears that the men-folk compare 'war injuries'.  Much exchanging about rotator cuff surgery experiences, and none of it good.  I never heard of any pleasant child-bearing experiences either!  As I remind him, he is getting something repaired doing something that he enjoys--plus getting an old, nagging injury (not me) repaired.  No cancer is being cut out, and his recovery is in his hands and head.

Today is his last motorcycle ride, boat ride and full mobility for some time.  I hope that he is a good patient because I have Nurse Ratched tendencies.

Our weather is good for the 4th, and as he embraces the day, I will brace for the upcoming weeks.

Sarge

Here is a sweet, young English Setter boy, Sarge.  He was about 3-4 months old. He had a two day trip to a foster home helped from Birmingham Al to Columbia MD from a variety of volunteers. I drove down to South Hill to pick him up and delivered him to exit 104 on 95 for the balance of his trek northward. 

It has been so long since I've seen an ES puppy.  He was about the same age as when we got Lucy (my avatar).  He was a jaunty little boy looking for things to chew on.  Thankfully I had a rope pull, and his 'stuff' had rawhide chews in it.

He was curious and took a little while to settle down.  I gave him a one handed body massage which resulted in his finally




settling down and going to sleep.  He was well mannered, and did his #1 and #2 outside of the car.  I did a transport no-no and fed him in route.  His insatiable chewing and restlessness made me think that he was hungry.  He was after all a puppy.

It was a lovely day to drive.  I met Iggy and his wife down in South Hill.  They are internet friends (who I met through Slope of Hope) who I asked if they could lend a hand when it looked like the run would not fill for the NC - VA leg.  Iggy said yes without hesitation.  He and his wife have helped these setters out before, and became involved with dog rescue.  I'm grateful for their generosity.  It was truly good to see them both.

On the northbound end of my trip, David was taking the northbound run.  Coming out of Alexandria and coming down to Richmond is tough traffic!  He got caught in standstill I-95 traffic.  I drove 20 miles further north than our appointed stop.  There was no sense in sitting and waiting when I could be driving...and we stayed on time.  It was wonderful to meet him---and Sarge happily went with him.  Later on that evening, Sarge ended in his foster home.

It felt good to help the little guy along the way.














Stuff

I've been busy with client work and my RL home project.  My SR project remains on the market. With quick sales on my other two projects, this one languishing.  I've been reducing the price--I think that the initial guidance that I was given was too high.   It is a good lesson in being more judicious in price setting.  I need to sell my SR project before I buy another as I have a fair amount of money tied up in two projects. 
The RL project is progressing nicely.  The window in the picture to the left was a 4 week lead time from the Anderson factory.  It is a key component of the master bedroom expansion where we reclaimed a screened porch for additional bedroom space.

When 'it' arrived, my contractor called leading off with the dreaded, "I've got bad news."  All sphincters seized up.... "They ordered the wrong window. The size is wrong.  The color is wrong."  Well, I knew that 'they' (meaning the builder supply) did not order the wrong window, because due to the lead times and my belief that customers need to check what their suppliers are doing, I had reviewed the order carefully.    Accordingly, I knew that it was not an order mistake, but a delivery mistake on someone's part.

A bustle of activity--checking, calling, fussing, etc.--yielded the conclusion that the mistake was not on the part of our supplier, but by Anderson.   A misplaced sticker on our window and a Tennessee-bound window produced windows switched at birth.  I was in unwelcome possession of the Tennessean window and the same for them except it was a Virginian window.  An expensive mistake for the factory, and for me--tick!  tock!  Time is money.

Thankfully the mistake was a sticker v. a manufacturing error.  Both windows were switched, and it is now installed safely.  It was pouring down raining when it was installed and it took 6 people to set it in place.  All the sphincters were clenched again.  I could envision my window slipping through the wet grasps of guys on ladders and hurdling downward.  But testosterone and skill prevailed over my worst fears.

While waiting for insulation and drywall for the interior of the addition, the time was field with the laying down of the floor in the basement.  We pulled up Berber carpet, and put down engineered hardwood.  I'm not a fan of carpet in basements (or any place else for that matter--but we are replacing the existing carpet in the main floor bedrooms).  It's a lovely basement, with 9 foot ceilings, two bedrooms, 1 & 1/2 baths and lots of living space.  My son and Herb are doing this work.  We have another 1300 sqf of this to run in the upstairs expansion space.

I found a lovely Robina red oak engineered hardwood at Wood Floors Plus in  a 1/2" x 3 1/2" plank which is paired with the DVR Floor Muffler (the green rolls that you see).  Wood Floors plus is my go-to supplier.  I find better pricing on quality products there than the 'other' flooring store.  The Robina species is a discontinued product which does not make it unfit--just well-priced.  If you find a flooring that you like, make sure that you get your measurements right--because once it is gone, it is gone.

My electrician (husbando) is working today for 1/2 a day hanging a couple of cool ceiling fans in the upstairs and completing the final wiring needed to get the upstairs heat pump in operation.   The upstairs is turning out beautifully.  The drywallers did an outstanding job making all of the funky roof lines come together well.  However, there are two LARGE squeaks in the floor that have to be fixed before we start laying floor up there. 

My goal is to be done by the end of the month!






Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all.  My mother has been gone for 23.5 years now.  She lived to see 2 granddaughters, though a third granddaughter was born just before she died.  She never met her grandson, and I sorely missed her during my pregnancy and birth.  I regret that she did not see the fruition of my own motherhood through the raising of two children, now adults  Though she could not see that, I did end up with a second mother who was as much a mother to me and a grandmother to my own two children as my own would have been.  I surely was twice blessed with mothers.

To be a mother is also a blessing.  "Motherhood" is an inauguration into the great mysteries of life.  Though giving birth is nothing short of commonplace, when you find yourself incubating a life inside of you, the commonplace becomes miraculous. And like all miracles, the emotions of wonder and fear exist side by side.  That our bodies are a portal to life is wondrous. The intensity of pushing out a new life to greet the world likely mimics the birth of the cosmos.

The baby is our universe.  And like all things pushed into the universe, the space between mother and child ever expands until the child is an adult.  But we are always tethered to our children by our love.  In that intervening time, we mothers give our unconditional love (in healthy family situations) to our children and guide them to develop into their own person.

Some years ago, I read in Khalil Gilbran's The Prophet, the following:

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
I believe that to be true.  It was not so clear at times how I was helping my children be true to their "self" v. my ideals.  How to know when you are wresting the steering wheel from their hand and turning down a road that they were never meant to travel v. keeping them on the road to travel safely in the direction that is their destiny?  Giving our children the freedom to be themselves is how they find themselves.  Perhaps that is the greatest gift we can give our children. 

Such a lesson for us mothers to have of being able to give unconditional love and to forgive.  We can do it for our children, but it is not so easy to practice on others.  A strange phenomena I think.  This day is a good day to reflect on that paradox and change it.  For the laws of the universe are clearly resident within us.

Bottled Water

Is it the epitome of conspicuous consumption that we drink bottled water when there is perfectly potable water from our taps?

I don't buy much bottled water--though on 06/12/10 I consumed this bottle to the left.  I have well water and reusable water bottles aplenty.  With so many countries with so little in sanitation and potable water systems (the very systems that we have and we seeming eschew in favor of bottled water), it strikes me that the delta between money spent buying bottle water v. tap (or filtered tap) water could build a few local water systems.


Change begins with observation and intent born of that observation.  I intend to limit if not eliminate my purchase and consumption of bottled water.

The Stuff of Life

Spring is arriving in fits and starts.  We had more winter in March and more summer in April than I remember in a while.  Rain.  Lots of it, but none giving us danger as others are experiencing.  It replenishes the water table, so I'm not complaining.

There is much in the news these last two days. Everyday we read of regrettable acts and tragic consequences.  Sadly, it is the stuff of life.  A result of our DNA that is no less caustic now than in any other point in history.  We merely have more deadly tools in which to carry out misguided actions borne of irrational thought and unfettered anger.  Grist for the ever turning millstone of the news.

As I was driving to work, my thoughts turned to "Christmas Letters".  Long, and narrow margined to fit all that is possible to experience in a year on a single page, they communicate all that is good in their lives:  trips, grandchildren, promotions, new cars, new homes...the list is endless.

I've never written a Christmas letter--but understand that I do somewhat the same in this space--though my intent is not to espouse all that is good in my life, nor to is it to air my dirty laundry.  I do have occasional soapbox moments.  One must, afterall, keep the glutes in shape.

The only joyful news in tragic events is the heroic responses from ordinary people.  It is a reminder that the flex of that DNA muscle is quick and strong. It reacts reflexively to such events.  Would that we have a lower threshold to invoke such action.  It is after all the small acts everyday that add up to something big--kindness and exercise share that efficacy of results.

I often ask job applicants what they would want remembered of them when they die.  Some look at me as if I'm crazy to advance the premise that they will die.  That is a given.  But our crafting of our lives in the time between birth and death is uniquely ours to do.  Yes, I'm feeling reflective--not morose.  I have a spectrum of books that have fallen into my circle of intentional reading that are stirring latent feelings and thoughts.  Shipler's, The Working Poor:  Invisible in America.  Peter Singer's The Life You Can Save; K. Sri Dhammananda's Why Worry?; Swami Vivekananda's Bhakti Yoga, and from that my ordering all volumes of his work.  I suppose what I'm really grappling with is a larger, broader moral/ethical standard that transcends currently accepted standards. 

 If you want an 'overview' of Singer's The Life You Can Save, you can listen to him here.

So, I'm working on my epitaph--and processing things a bit differently than was is culturally accepted which means no one in my life would really understand this.  But ultimately, the only way to express this process is that I would like to raise an awareness that writing a Christmas letter filled with and centered on what has been accomplished, earned, enjoyed etc, but rather how did you sacrifice and who did you help--and with a real reflection on how more could be done.  And the test of having truly arrived is to not send the letter---as selfless acts cease to become selfless if we wish to garner praise for them.

We no more "deserve" the bounty of life than others "deserve" the parsimony of life.  I believe that is a fact and not an opinion, and accordingly I'm trying to do a little life recalibration to reflect that belief.


Motors and Mountains



Motors and mountains combine for great fun for male gladiators on dirt bikes. The men folk have gone to West VA for their spring-time Hatfield and McCoy dirt bike ride.  I always worry about injury and the like.  Phone calls from weary, but still excited husband allay concerns and then give the highlights.

Highlights are generally in the categories of (1) injuries; (2) near misses; (3) didn't miss but survived it; (4) the splendor of nature; (5) the demands of the trail.

This year, there is a 6th highlight--the first time husbando said in a voice that was weary from #5 on the list, "I'm not in very good shape."  Time to break out the mountain bikes.  His passion for meeting the demands of the trail without feeling like an old man (he will be 58 this year), will inspire his working out.  My jealousy in seeing the very fit and not-too-much-younger-than-me Helen Hunt in
"The Sessions" should inspire me!  The movie itself was an inspiration on many levels.  Not only was the film a reminder of the abundance and generosity of spirit that exists in all of us, but also how the most basic of human experiences--sexual intimacy--is taken for granted by those of us who have experienced it.  Of course we can add walking, talking, seeing, hearing, thinking, breathing, eating and elimination to that, as there are many who are deprived of the easy experience of these things if at all. 

There was a #3--my son's bike fell into some watery hole and water was sucked into the engine.  More than two hours later and mechanical wizardry on the part of several got the motor dried out.  It needed to be pulled to get started--a feat overzealously undertaken by a fellow rider on a four wheeler.  He was pulling far too fast than my son was comfortable with.  Son bailed; bike dropped. The singular casualty was a Bark Buster bolt was a casualty.  Sure sounds like fun to me!

With the men folk gone, I was able to have the house to myself, eat out of the fridge, and work.  I've been so busy and feeling underwater to the point of gurgling.  But I'm kicking hard, and I'm closer to breathing air.  At some point in my life I hope to find equilibrium.  I've certainly had little success with it except for a few glimpses.  I guess when you have a proclivity to immersing yourself into what you do, gurgling is going to be an expected result.  As I can gurgle and kick, I'm not complaining.  Perspective is everything (it really is not attitude, because if you have perspective, attitude will fall into its proper place)--so I'm not complaining.

Spring has been arriving in fits and starts---it seemed to arrive first in early January, and then retreated for three more months.  It is now starting to emerge again...this is the coolest and wettest Spring that I remember in a while.  My favorite point in spring is when the reclusive wood thrushes begin their calling.  I've seen them for the last three weeks, but they do not begin their beguiling songs until the 3rd week of April.  When they start, they are the first to song in the morning and the second to last in the evening.  This lasts for for about 90 days, and then they are silent.  And missed.

And, I miss the men folk, who will be returning soon. It will be 72, and I hope that Spring will stay around for a while.












Time goes by. . .

. .  .like a freight train.

I have been quite busy with my real life.  My SR project is on the market and I have a new project.  IN getting ready for the listing on a Sunday evening, I heard a great racket in the chimney.  I suspected that it was a raccoon, as I could see 'shimmy' prints up the gutter.  I delayed the listing and open house, and called Critter Control to evict. I lost several nights sleep thinking about the racoon's demise.  As a great animal lover, these things touch me with great sadness.

They do set live traps, but are unable to relocating them due to the risk of rabies.  They are euthanized.  The balance of the house was protected (chimney cap, re screened vents) from re-entry from another itinerant raccoon.

This one piece Toto toilet sits in perfect harmony with the beautiful marble in the master bath.  I'm really happy how the master bath turned out--small but opulent.

Though we listed on Monday, we only have had one showing.  On the FR property, we had 8 showings within the first week.  I'm at a different price point here.

I tiled the shower in Q-Seal, Berkshire 9" x 18" tiles.  The shower floor is in 1" x 1" format, and the main floor is 12" x 12".  We took it up to the height of the vanity (to provide a fireman protection behind the toilet).  The mirror was inset with pencil.  The shower was framed on the inside and the outside door with chair rail.  We ran a 1/2 sheet high of the glass/stone mosaic in the shower and put in a niche.




It is single person event space. 

After completing all of the work at Skipton, I had to take a hard look at the cabinets.  I had planned to just leave them.  But they looked to bad.  So the cabinets, quickly became my personal version  of  "Leisa's Last Stand" or my very own personal "Alamo". 

I removed the doors, stripped the face of the cabinets, and the doors.  Sanded, sanded, sanded.  Applied Waterlox Original, which was the perfect finish for these cabinets. 

I had to use surface mounted hinges as the holes were still there and could not be disguised.  I went with an H hinge from Acorn--that is a straight bar v. the spade end hinges that came off.  I found a lovely handle (after hours and hours of searching) that worked well.

Here they are in their splendor.  There is just no toning down cherry in a picture.  These are solid on the bottoms and the sides.  A neighbor came by to look and loved them.  He was rubbing the finish, and marveling at how smooth and beautiful it was.  I'm thrilled.

The cabinets were NOT a weekend project.  I'm glad that I tackled them.  I had ultimately had to solicit some help on some of it as my real job needed me.  However, I was not as satisfied with the quality of some of the work.  I'm picky, picky, picky--and I think that you need to be in projects where the end results matter.  These are cabinets whose quality cannot be duplicated affordably.  Of course if you want a nice white, light kitchen, this is not the kitchen for you.

My favorite room in the house is the den.


It is warm and inviting.  My staging items are from scrounging around.  I picked up the leather club chair and ottoman in the corner and the Chinese coffee table at the Salvation Army.  The sofa came from Diversity Thrift, and is in a perfect neutral to stage. The walnut sofa table was from an antique store (and it is one of my favorite pieces of furniture).  The English Setter statue and the metal mirror over the fireplace came from a consignment shop. 



The dining room is staged with a Pennsylvania House Set that I bought from the CHKD Thrift Store for $150.  I recovered the cushions which were green velvet in a former life.  The rattan furniture in the living room came from another consignment shop.

I hope the home sells quickly.  We are certainly hitting a better sales market and a good season.

I'll tell you about my next project in a different post.






TeamViewer

Gotomypc has been my 'go to' for accessing my computers (home and clients).  With the Java issues, I soon found that my paid GTMPC was not working properly.  Not being able to access my PC was a real problem.  The folks were helpful and after about 1/2 hour on each side of the screen, I still was not able to get in.

Enter....TeamViewer.  All I can say is wow!  It is free, and the screen resolution is outstanding.  My access falls into non-commercial use--and it makes my job so much easier.  And...I can see far better than the other access.

Looking for a free and most excellent way to keep your work life and home life sane?  Take a look.  You can find it here.

Wakeful Thinking

I awoke in the wee hours of the morning with heavy thoughts of the Illinois man and his two young sons (and 4 month old Lab puppy) who ventured out for a hike, but never made it back.  The puppy survived. The story is tragic, but that needle moved further to gaspingly tragic when a motorist said that he spied them in the afternoon, walking in the rain by the road.  He offered a ride, but it was declined.

A reminder that at junctures of time and space our choices have consequences that cannot be known.  As I lay in bed, wakeful, that juncture floated in my brain like a dark specter. I thought of the motorist and had the motorist not stopped and read the news, what dark specter would he be living with.  I thought of the wife informed of the motorist's intercession in the collective plight of her husband and sons, and the greater despair she must feel that a different outcome was in reach for her loved ones.

I'm not in the 'everything happens for a reason crowd'.  I just don't believe that life is that pat, or that there is an other worldly being that hovers over these junctures and waves a wand to dictate outcomes.  Rather, I believe that our choices have consequences, intended or otherwise. And that a large measure of life for many on this earth is a toil of everyday survival with endings that are not at all fairy tale--well perhaps for the victims before our beloved heroes and heroines step into the picture.

The Lance Armstrong scandal will likely hit a new level after the Oprah show, tomorrow.  I don't have any celebrity following genes in my body, so for the most part I don't get worked up about scandals for celebrities or for ordinary people.  We all share the same genes, and accordingly, our proclivities fueled by our human-ness are shared by all of us.  As social beings, we are as susceptible to the pressures that surround us whether we be gang members or elite cyclists or just suburbanites.  We run in packs, and pack rules get assimilated as our rules.  Best to be part of an enlightened pack.

It takes real courage and clear sightedness to cut through that social goo.  Slavery, women's rights, worker's rights, pollution, child labor are but a few social goo issues that have been assiduously scrubbed from the patina of our society--though many linger.  I don't get caught up in Lance Armstrong's fight with testicular cancer, because I have a colleague who shows up every day with liver cancer.  She fights her battle with courage and grace and is not in the spotlight of the world, but rather lives in the spotlight of her family and friends.  How is her battle less courageous. 

No, I don't excuse Armstrong's doping because he is a hero to many.  Heroes walk amongst us everyday:  parents caring for young children and aging/ill parents, workers cobbling together part time jobs to provide for their family and stave off homelessness, individuals of every color, age and gender trying to make the right choices in the face of those terrible junctures of time and space where 'shit happens'.

Armstrong could have made a different choice.  Winning at all costs is not winning--it is a phantom achievement where we have traded our integrity for an award.  That is not courage. That is not grace.  That is a choice that has a consequence if one is caught--or at the very least surrounded and implicated to the point of being caught.

The measure of a wo/man is how they comport themselves through that rabbit hole of perdition and the person s/he becomes when they emerge other side.

The measure of a society is how we allow an individual to be successful in their personal, redemptive transformation and allowing them the freedom to conduct themselves to repair the damages for their actions.




Cookbooks

I was weary from my cabinet work on Sunday.  Nevertheless, I stopped by the CHKD Thrift Store to scan the aisles for cool stuff.  I have bought several things there:  books, jeans, blazers and skirts and a dining set (cherry, queen anne for my property staging).

I love to cook...a passion that I somehow idled most of 2012.  And, I love to READ cookbooks.  I've picked up several cookbooks in odd nooks along the way:  antique stores, consignment shops, thrift stores.  My "Great Cooks Cookbook" is one of many that I've bought, read cover to cover, and found recipes to keep in my cooking repertoire.

So meandering through the CHKD store I picked up 4 cookbooks that I'm just thrilled about--one of which was "The Best of Gourmet--65 years and 65 Favorite Recipes".  I subscribed years ago for exactly one year to Gourmet.  In general, I found the recipes fussy, so I abandoned my subscription.  I went with Bon Appetit, the sister magazine, and I've been a subscriber for 25 or so years.  As part of my decluttering, I threw out old issues that I had been harboring like fugitives in every nook and cranny of bookcases and closets.  It was like throwing out children---difficult and emotional.  Now that they are gone, I don't give them a second thought.

Recipes are abundant, to be sure.  Excellent recipes are not.  The joy of reading a cookbook is recognizing immediately that a recipe is going to work for your style of eating/entertaining.  The hallmark of a good cook book, to me at least, is that I walk away inspired and eager to make a recipe.  Visiting a cookbook is much like going to a restaurant, there are only going to be one or two dishes that truly captivate you (well, at least it is that way for me!).  Rare is the time that I go to a restaurant and find more than two things that I'm just dying to try.  But it happens.

I know that when I threw out my BA issues, that there were recipes forever lost.  No, they don't all make it to the website.  The maple pecan chocolate tart is not there.  It is one of the most divine desserts that I've ever made--and it is a staple at Thanksgiving.  There is another great recipe:  Harricorts with goat cheese and cranberries....lost it and can find no trace of it anywhere.  Best to read the magazine, rip out the recipes and put them in plastic sheet covers and commit them to a 3 ring binder.  Of course you have to MAKE the recipe...and that ought to be a resolution for any home chef to try new things:  new techniques, combinations, ingredients, cooking methods.  That way when you leave this plane of existence, your progeny will have in hand the wonderful recipes that left a gastronomical imprint on them.  Those are always the most lasting memories.

And throw out the recipes that just don't work for you....along with any other detritus in your life.

My sister is coming this weekend from Bedford.  She  recently received a well deserved promotion. I want to have a special dinner for her.  Though I'm not shy to try new things, she loves crabcakes, and I have JUST dish for her:  Crabcakes with spicy Avocado sauce (you can find it on Epicurious.com) .  It is basically a baked crabcake because there is no filler.  You shape it, press panko crumbs that have been browned in garlic and butter and press the into the crabcake.  The avocado sauce is as spicy as you care to make it with serrano/jalapeno chiles.  It is silky with a hidden bite. I think some roasted asparagus will go well with it.

I'll save the 4 cheese macaroni in the Gourmet cookbook for another time....but there are at least 6 recipes from that cookbook that I'm eager to tackle.  I also picked up Food and Wine cookbook (Best of the Best from 25 cookbooks),  and  Lidia's Italian American Kitchen.  I bought two other, non cooking books during my CHKD visit.  The total:  $13.64...I rounded up to $15.  ON another jaunt I picked up hardback Joy of Cooking--two.

Yes, that is the way to shop for cookbooks.




Week's End

The end of the year (and the beginning of the next) has always been my busiest time of year.  I worked quite a bit over the holidays to get some things nailed down, so I feel as if I'm in pretty good shape.  I also have a new client.  People I know from my past (former colleagues) that needed some help.  I was able to meet with them and quickly give them some solutions--not the least of which is hooking them up with another former colleague.  She is now on their payroll on a limited part time basis.  She is exactly what they need, and they are exactly what she needs.  I guess I'm a maven at heart.

Today was a great milestone!  I put the first coat of Waterlox on the cherry base cabinets at my SR project. Here's what I started with. 



I had planned to leave the cabinets except for cleaning them.  Unfortunately, cleaning them could not undo 'this' which was unacceptable.


So all doors removed, hardware removed and all wood stripped and assiduously sanded from 150-320 grit.

I found the following updated hardware, which I think will look cool:

This is Schaub's 'Stonehenge' in Ancient Bronze.  I am using 4" "H" Hinges in black...I"m hoping that this ancient bronze  is going to be pretty close to black with just enough accent to accentuate the cabinet color.  I'm having some reservations that these pulls my be too 'taste specific'; however, there are four key points to these:
  1. The shape will cover the existing holes
  2. The length will cover any carryover darkness from the spade ends of the original hardware.  
  3. The color will look terrific with the cherry cabinets.
  4. The design will 'echo' the backsplash.
The simple fact of the matter is that the 3.25" hole spacing in these cabinets limits my choices.  If these don't work out, I can send them back within 20 days.

I can finally see the finish line.